When bad haircuts happen to good people who cheat on their stylist

For the last few months I have been cheating on my regular hair stylist with the girl who works at the next station. It all started innocently enough when I was in desperate need of a trim and found out that M was on vacation for a week. Fine. So I try for the next week only to be told out she was booked solid because of her vacation. Then the nice receptionist said, "Pookie, you can either wait the the two weeks or S has just had a cancellation and can do it today." Being the impatient guy that I am, I took the appointment.

When I arrived that Saturday morning I was greeted with a knowing smile from the receptionist (who I now realize is nothing but a matchmaking little minx) and S standing there with a glass of fresh juice for me. "Come on back, honey" she beckoned - and I did. When I was seated in the strange chair she proceeded to give me something I hadn't had in years - a genuine consultation. M had stopped asking me about my wants and needs a long time ago so this was a nice change. All M and I ever talked about anymore was her kids, her husband (ass hole), my school and work. We were in that old married couple phase of our client/stylist relationship. So when S showered me with attention and then spent a good hour on my hair working magic with her razor, I was hooked. Better yet, when she was done I had a fucking great haircut and not one one of those that you grow into - it was perfect as soon as she was finished.

Then, after I paid my bill (which included the same discount M always gave me) and handed her a tip it happened - we hugged. At that moment we both new this hair affair was on. Fast forward a few weeks and I called to make my next appointment. Now I knew M didn't work on Saturdays but I wasn't ready to tip my hat just yet so I asked for a weekend appointment anyway. Miss Minx, the receptionist, played along with my game perfectly. It was a classic case of DADT: she didn't ask me why after all these years I didn't know M never worked on Saturday and I didn't tell. "S is available, would you like her?" Of course I did. This was how we did it every time - I would call to make an appointment with M and she wouldn't be working --- but S was --- and so it went. Each time I walked away with a perfect out-the-door cut and compliments from all my friends.

It got to the point that S and I even talked about M - in a good way. "Tell her hello for me and that I hate my schedule doesn't let me come in on weekdays anymore...How is M doing? I haven't seen her in ages?....Oh, M got a new dog....M's daughter is on honor roll..." Then came the day I let S do my highlights. This was a HUGE step because anyone who gets highlights know the level of trust that has to exist between stylist/client - and we had it. Again, perfect cut and perfect highlights. Hell, I wasn't even feeling bad at this point because my hair looked great and we both new it. M was officially out of the picture. We had passed the point of "sneaking around" and were in a full-blown relationship.

So yesterday I went in for my appointment and it was just like always. Small talk about M and life in general; the consultation; and then the cut. Everything was going great until she brushed off my neck; removed the cape; and asked me how it looked. When I glanced in the mirror I saw that it was a lot shorter than the other times - and when I glanced at my watch I saw it had only taken her about 30 minutes instead of the usual hour. WTF, we had progressed to a quickie in just a few months??? What happened to us? More importantly, what happened to the precision cut that offered me immediate gratification instead on one that will take two weeks to grow into.

Dammit, I hate this. I realize every relationship has it's off days just like every hair stylist has their off days, but I thought this was different. It is the same cut and precisely even ( yeah I checked) but it is so fucking short. When I left it wasn't the same; I put on a fake smile and gave her the obligatory hug after the tip but this time the cheater feels cheated. I don't think I like this feeling --- cheating isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Typhoid Mommies

What is it with parents who insist on sending their child to school knowing they are miserably sick and contagious? This past Monday I had 3 kids who were so sick that they had to call for parent pick up.

1) One little girl was coughing, hacking, draining, sneezing, and crying she felt so bad - her mother is a stay-at-home-mom.

2) A boy announced right off the bat that his mommy told him he was too sick to be at school but she an appointment and would be checking him out after lunch - this mommy was so proud of her "new nails" that she felt compelled to take off her shoes and show off her freshly painted nails to the school nurse when she picked up her son with the 102 fever.

My favorite:

3) This little girl was sitting at my work table with 4 other kids when she leaned in and said, "I just pooed my pants a little. This has been happening all weekend! At least I haven't started throwing up yet" - come to find out her two sisters who attend the same school AND mommy were all at home sick with a stomach bug. So why in the hell did mommy send little "Adrianne" to school? Because her best friend in class was bringing cupcakes to lunch for her birthday and mommy didn't want her to miss her friend's birthday - but she would not be at school on Tuesday.

Rest assured "Mommy" got a call to drag her ass right back to school to pick up daughter and a plastic bag with little Adrianne's stinking, soiled clothes (we keep cleans ones for such an occasion). I intentionally didn't tie the bag tight or rinse them out in hopes Mommy got a really good whiff and puked her damn guts out all over the front seat of her new mini-van.

Oh. My. God. By Thursday half of the class was snotty, drippy, hacky, and shitty. I understand there are times when it is really hard for a working parent or one in school them self to make arrangements for their sick child. I feel sorry for those parents and will do whatever I can to make it easier on them - and of course any sick child. However, these three parents were being irresponsible, selfish, and just plain stupid. I hope each of the sick kids is feeling all better and back in class in the morning - and I hope every one of their parents have spent their whole damn weekend sick in bed.

Good Riddens W

TANKS IN MY MEMORY - Bye, George
Best. Video. Ever.