oopsie

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.
He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

Best facial ever

Yesterday I got the single best facial I've had since living in Atlanta and Saks had their salon/spa.

For $90 I got a men's deep cleansing & refining which consisted of: a starter mask & massage, Micro-dermabrasion followed by a full-face 25% glycolic acid peel, a lifting facial massage, pore extraction, and a 10 minute foot massage while the final mask of "secret healing herbs and minerals" was drying. Cap it all off with a Rosemary & Lemon toner/spritz and you have 90 minutes of sheer bliss. If I were rich I'd have one of these every week.

If anyone knows of a good toner/astringent that doesn't mess up a spray tan let me know. I love that super-clean feeling but not at the risk of ruining a $25 tan.

Parody on a large scale

The alleged ex-gay blogger, singer, and humorist Donnie Davies is making all kinds of noise in blogger world. His The Bible Says aka God Hates a Fag video has succeeded in exposing the ex-gay movement for what it is -- a joke.

Exposing fundamentalist fascists one asshole at a time.

Something to ponder

Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4 Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo's and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Short shorts and varicose veins

12. Inline skates and a walker

And last, but not least...

13. Thongs and Depends