Favorite Children's Books You'll Never See

"You Were an Accident"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
"Some Kittens Can Fly!"
"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"
"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"
"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of Western Eur- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"All Dogs Go to Hell"
"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"
"You Are Different and That's Bad"
"Dad's New Wife Timothy"
"Pop! Goes the Hamster....and Other Great Microwave Games"
"Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets"
"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"
"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"
"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"
"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"
"Start a Real-Estate Empire with the Change from Your Mom's Purse"
"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"
"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead"
"How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School"
"Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"
"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
"Bi-Curious George"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"


Alexander said...

Now I definitely have to read 'The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead' They were my favourites as a kid, I always wondered what happened to them. Guess they just stopped caring :P

I'm going out of my way to WRITE 'Bi-Curious George.' It has to be done!

purpletwinkie said...

Fucking funny!!!!!

Pookie65 said...

This has been around for a long time. I actually keep a printed copy hung on the wall in my office I lvoe it so much. :-)

Danger Mouse said...

Very funny. I will have to read some, some day, lol.

Hikaru said...

I fell out of my chair laughing.

Dionysus said...

OH so bad but oh so funny, I had to drink a gallon of water after reading this post from dehydration =D

Pookie65 said...

I cannot take credit for this brilliant list. It's been around forever in some form or another. But I love it on so many levels. Every friend of mine who has kids gets a framed copy.

Glad ya'll enjoyed it.