9.13.2005

Children's Books con't....

Children's Author: Warn Kids About Liberals :I can't wait for Bill Maher to get a hold of this one. The idiocy of some select Rabid Right Wingers should surprise me but doesn't.

Sandra Day O'Connor has now penned a children's book about her childhood horse Chico.
The new book, subtitled "A True Story from the Childhood of the First Woman Supreme Court Justice," is also about ranch life. Illustrated by painter Dan Andreasen, it tells of her horse Chico and a terrifying encounter she and Chico had with a rattlesnake.

So while sitting on my front porch reading the paper and drinking my coffee this morning I got to thinking what if several of the Rabid Right Wing were to write a children's book titled Chico. This is the silliness that came to mind:

Chico - by George W. Bush

Long winded excerpt: "When I was growing up on the ranch we always had us some mexicans round the house doing the washin and cleanin and cookin and gardenin and wet nursin and such. I'll always remember one mexican, Chico, who was my favorite.

Chico was the son of one of them workers, hell ain't all them folks related? But Chico was my favorite cause we'd always play together when Daddy and Mamma wasn't watching. They didn't like us playing with mexicans because Mamma sais they was dirty people and we could catch sumthin from them. But Chico was my bud. My padre. My comrodie in crime.

Chico would steal us some tequila from his daddy, them people always had some tequila, sneak us some tequila and we'd get drunker then skunks and he'd show me his tallywacker and I'd show him mine. Course Chico was a mexican and them folks are un-cirumstancedized but he hide his like a sausage in a burrito shell. Then there was a little game me and him and Jebbie played called who eats the tortilla shell. Damn boy we had some fun back then.

Then when were was teenagers he introduced me to his sister. Whoowee she was a hot little number. Big old ta-tas and some of the best coochie-a-roo in town. But somehow she got herself in
some trouble like all them girls do and when Daddy found out me and Chico was split up. One morning I looked out the window and there was Chico and his mama and his daddy and his aunt and his cousins and his brother and his sisters and they was all in the back of a flat bed truck waving good bye. I asked mamma where they was going in such a hurry and all she said was that they was going intertubing in the Gulf. It must have been a long trip and they had such a good time that they never came back.

I miss old Chico. He was a good friend and every night I ask the good, gracious Jesus Christ to watch over my little wetback compadre and his family as they intertube their way around the world. God bless America and look out for them terrorists. They're gonna getcha"



Chico - by Rush Limbaugh

Excerpt: "I had no idea that Chico was the son an illegal immigrant maid that I never had and I certainly had no knowledge of the fact that he was drugging my household water supply with Oxycontin. It is my conclusion that Hillary Clinton is behind this diabolical Liberal plan to undermine my political and moral powers."

Chico - by Dick Cheney

Excerpt: "Fuck off, Chico. I have nothing else to say to you. Gather your toys and get the fuck out of my Christian home."

Chico - (as sung) by John Ashcroft

Excerpt: "Oh mighty God we adore you in every single way. Oh Mighty God only you can show the way. You'll love us all if we are moral. You love us all if we'll just live Right. Oh Mighty God oh please help Chico. I fear that he''ll grow up to be a Liberal Gay."

Chico - by Condoleezza Rice

Excerpt: "Yes. I do believe there was an individual, a young boy, by the name of Chico and I can only assume or believe that perhaps the intelligence agencies thought that the sourcing used to track him down in his day care was speculative. Actually, come to think of it I do not remember any 'Chico' who reports to us. In fact, there were some reports done in '98 and '99. I was certainly not aware of a 'Chico' them at the time that I spoke."

Chico - by Mr. Anne Coulter

Excerpt: "Most inauspicious was the fact that Chico, a known supporter of the most lying, stealing, Hillary Clinton, was indeed a Democrat. He never once took my side during my tirade at the NRA luncheon while berating her nor did he deny that she looked like she'd had Botox. He is a manipulative, lying little boy who should be put to death for his own good. We don't have to adopt all the Democrats' traits: incessant lying, utter shamelessness, criminal behavior and lots of crying but Republicans need to tattoo this truism on their arms: But we most decidedly do not have to trust little boys who hold dear the unethical beliefs as Chico, the lying little illegal immigrant boy who hates America."

7 comments:

Mr. Brian said...

You should email this to the papers....It's Brilliant!

The Dangerous Man said...

It seems that you have researched this 'somewhat'

That is great!

Do you think W might want to have a look at that, oh wait....

sorry, my mistake, he can't read!

Ghone said...

What a great but scary look into yor mind!
Have (finaly) added you to my 'stalkers' list!
Be good!

Scott said...

Hillarious! I needed the laugh today:D

Tomas said...

lmao..... i could "hear" each sick voice in my head as i read these excerpts... shit, now that i think of it, thaz scary !!!

DLAK said...

The Right wing, where men are men and "Chico" is nervous.

cola boy said...

VEry funny! Thanks for the morning laugh. :-)