9.01.2005

Yummy, yummy. Morning routines.

Every morning there is a routine at our home that begins like this: Either T or myself (usually T) grabs a doggie treat and for five minutes we beg, plead, threaten our two dogs to get up and go outside for a morning pee.

"Yummy, yummy. It's time to get up"

(the dogs look at us like we're nuts)

"Yummy, Yummy. Come on now you have to go pee or no cookie"

(I CAN read their minds and they are saying to themselves that we are crazy)

"Nikki. Gabriel GET UP. You have got to go pee or you're going to explode"

(defiant looks back and forth between them - they are uniting and rebelling)

"FINE then. I hope your bladder bursts"

(they're thinking -Yeah right. Like you'd let us pee on the carpet?)

"NIKKI. GABRIEL. NOW. Get UP!"

(a look passes between them...an eyebrow raises....and the cookie in our hand starts looking pretty damn good)

"Come on now let's get up. Yummy, yummy. Who wants a cookie?"

(We won! We do rule the house. We can go outside now)

Finally, after several minutes of this, the dogs still staring defiantly at us they will s-l-o-w-l-y get up from their plush, overstuffed beds and make way to towards the bedroom door. T or I will wave the cookie tauntingly in front of them as they follow.

They take their own sweet time and a few more minutes pass between that long 20' walk from the bedroom door to the kitchen. Gabriel typically has ran back and forth into the bedroom a few times and Nikki stands in the same spot, perfectly still, trying to look invisible. (He is still tossing attitude) Finally, they will make way towards the French doors which lead to the back yard. It's at this point that all hell breaks loose.

Gabriel starts going ballistic bouncing around and jumping like going outside is the best damn thing since chasing squirrels or licking his place where his balls used to be.

And Nikki, God bless his old soul with the weak legs, starts sliding on the laminate floors into a full, 4-way split until he's laying flat on his belly. Gabe will go out of his way to knock poor Nikki over any chance he gets. And Nikki, being a bit of a drama queen, uses this time to lay there as we yell at Gabe for knocking him over. After a few tries Nikki is on his feet and looking smug.
FINALLY we get them onto the porch and on to the screen porch to the door to the yard. At this point it's Gabe's still bouncing around and Nikki is surveying the yard for dew or rain (he refuses to set on foot..paw... on anything the slightest bit damp. With cookies in hand we'll open the door the little rascals will usually sit down on the patio right in front of us like perfect angels and accept their treat for being "perfect doggies".

And people ask me why I am on Xanax?

7 comments:

purpletwinkie said...

Oh this sounds familiar. My dogs are pretty good about it most of the time though. They usually tell you when they need to go and it (for the most part) is like clockwork, but when one is defiant, she'll go out the patio door, circle, and come back in...unless I'm standing there. Then she has that, "oh my God, ok" look and heads back out...inching... and I stand there are say (voice ever-so-slightly-raised), "you get out there and go potty! Go! Go potty NOW!" Inching past the patio (well, there have been the times when Katie would walk 2 feet, squat, and pee ON THE PATIO---I'll SHOW YOU!) they finally go, staring at me the entire time..."Damn you making me go potty, damn you."

The Dangerous Man said...

Aww cute dogs.

I'd probably end up getting frustrated and going mad. Then actually doing the dirty deed myself just to show them how

willam said...

oh god. you're killing me with your blog. LOVE IT i went through the same thing with Lloyd von Puppyking. His bed is stuffed with my old wigs and a few nasty prom gowns. nice and cushy.
WILLAM

Sangroncito said...

Cute! We have three dogs in our four-person household and we have to bribe them with treats to get them to go out and pee in the backyard before they go to bed. I love our dogs...but thankfully I have 3 other people here who take care of them while I travel! I love coming home to them after being away for months...they never forget.

Petunia McGillicuddy said...

the dogs are adorable! funny story!

now can we have more pictures of hot naked men please?

Dionysus said...

I wish my pups would bring me a doggie treat while there bouncing on my nice plush,over stuff bed and begging me to take them out.. way funny =D

Pookie65 said...

There is nothing like being owned by a dog. My kids are so important to me and I can't imagine living in a house without all the fun n' games that comes with pets.

Petunia, eye candy at your service.