12.30.2005

Brokeback Mountain - The Republican version you didn't read about. Yet.

The GOP version: Brokeback America

Directed: by Tom Delay

Genre: Out of touch with reality / Greed, Scandal

Writing credits: Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly

Production: Fox News

Tagline: Some men just like the thrill of the ride and others just playing a bitch

Cast overview, first billed only:

George W. Bush .... Ennis Del Mar
Dick Cheney .... Jack Twist
Tom Delay .... Joe Aguirre
Laura Bush .... Lureen Newsome
Condoleeza Rice .... Alma Del Mar

Plot Outline: Parodically based on the E. Annie Proulx story about a forbidden and not so secretive relationship between two renegade cowboys and their twisted lives over the years.

Outstanding Scene: Set against the prop of an ACLU logo and a United Nations logo crudely spray painted on the back of a barn in Crawford, Texas Ennis and Jack are taking turns criss-crossing their urine on the respective logos.

Ennis: Whooooo weeee all that beer is done making me have to piss like a racehorse.
Jack: Well, it looks like that's not all it's done. Your scrotum has shrunk to the size of a 6 year old boy.
Ennis: You looking at my power pecker, Jack? (smiles and shakes his willy at Jack)
Jack: Fuck off, Ennis.
Ennis: Hey now there ain't no need to get all pissy with me. (laughs) Hey? Pissy! I said pissy while we're pissing. That's funny.
Jack: You are an idiot, Ennis. (Jack winks and directs his willy at Ennis and sprays his pants leg with a stream of urine)
Ennis: Awww hell why'd you have to go and do that for? Now Alma is gonna think I pissed myself again.
Jack: But you liked it didn't ya bitch?
Ennis: I ain't nobody's bitch. (laughs) OK. Maybe your bitch but that's our secret, right?
Jack: Don't get all pussy on me. (winks) Hey? You wanna go back to the pop-tent and play Big Daddy gives the baby a spanking some more?
Ennis: Can I be the daddy this time and you sit on my lap and tell you what to do?
Jack: Now you know that's not going to happen.
Ennis: OK then. But this time you ain't using that book. That thing hurts.
Jack: Big Baby. The Constitution isn't that thick.
Ennis: (looking over at Jack's willy) And neither is something else I spy.
Jack: (laughs) Oh, Ennis I wish it could always be like this forever and ever and ever.
Ennis: We have 3 1/2 more years of this so let's just make the best of it. Race you back to the tent?
Jack: You betcha cowboy. You betcha. Last one there eats the cracker!

The sun sets as the two make believe cowboys frolic across the back yard of the ranch to the tent with their pants still down around their ankles.

MPAA: Rated R for sexuality, rape of civil rights, ignorance, pilferage of a record National Surplus, sabotage of the US Constitution, language and violence.

Runtime: 4 1/2 very long years

Country: As USA as American Fries, Homeland Security, and illegal wire tapping.

Language: English no matter how poorly it's used in press Conferences and public addresses.

Color: Primarily White Anglo Saxon Protestant

4 comments:

Mr. Brian said...

Witty; truly witty.

ProfessorGQ said...

I love it...happy new year to ya!

Anonymous said...

You liberals will do anything to discredit Persident Bush. I hope you rot in hell. I have a good mind to report you to the FBI for treason.

OORANOS said...

Have a good time