Pookie, Can you hear me?

Guess where I'm going to be October 30th? If you guessed the BankAtlantic Center in Ft. Lauderdale at the Barbara Streisand concert you'd be correct. I am pretty psyched about this. I've always been a huge Babs fan and to have the opportunity to see her live is something I've always wanted to do. And having never been to Ft. Lauderdale I'm very much looking forward to spending a couple of days taking in the city.

So how many days to have to lose that extra 10 pounds?

Betty Butterfield - Fox News Anxiety Attack

Just in time for the Holidays!

War On Terror the Boardgame

It's got suicide bombers, political kidnaps and intercontinental war. It's got filthy propaganda, rampant paranoia and secret treaties ... ... and the Axis of Evil is a spinner in the middle of the board. You can fight terrorism, you can fund terrorism, you can even be the terrorists. The only thing that matters is global domination - err, liberation. http://www.waronterrortheboardgame.com/

From an email....

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have

produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to

create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the

body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

(Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body.

The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human

jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts

and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.

In other words, send it to everyone ! (and God love that pig!)

I love today.

Dear Diary,

A few great things I want to share:

1) I got my hair trimmed and it looks amazing.

2) As of today I have two different opportunities to stick it to ex-friend, crazy bitch PP#1. Both issues are legal, ethical, and moral but will hit her where it hurts -- her purse. Getting involved with zoning issues and easements can be loads of fun!

3) I made a 100% on my first Psychology exam.

4) My new office may be opened as soon as January.

5) I'm going back to my old company for a meeting tomorrow and I am sitting on the other side of the table representing clients.

6) I may be substitute teaching as soon as next week.

7) The finale of Big Brother All Stars is tonight.

8) T and I are going to diner with the old gay men's dinner group.

9) Did I already say that my hair looks damn good?

10) I haven't heard W's loathsome voice on the radio or TV in over 12 hours.

Gotta love it.

And you may call me Little Miss Sunshine

If you haven't already done so go and see the movie Little Miss Sunshine. Believe the hype; listen to what everyone is saying' and go see it. You'll not regret it. I won't even give a hint of a spoiler but I will say that only 25% of the movie is about child beauty pageants and the rest is about a genuinely fucked up family. I loved every minute of the film but my favorite scenes were from the pageant itself. Olive, played by Abigail Breslin, in a matter of five minutes manages to steal the thunder from every other actor and becomes the ultimate heroine. I promise you'll love this movie.

The other Little Miss Sunshine I'll talk about today is Nancy Grace from CNN. Oh. My. God. I've always gotten some perverse pleasure watching her show (in very small doses) -- it's like watching a train wreck. But in recent weeks this Little Miss Sunshine has turned it up several hundred notches. Hell, she's ripped off the knob to boot. She is more animated and more bitchy than a human being has the right to be. And I can't go a single night without at least seeing her.

Once Nancy gets a hold of an idea or theory she takes it and she chews all of the flavor out of it but somehow keeps it interesting. Imagine if you will finding a piece of old, flavorless chewing gum on your nightstand. Then picture yourself putting it into your mouth and wondering why the Hell you ever took it out of your mouth. Well, that's Nancy. The thing is that she is very, very bright as well as one of the biggest bitches in the public eye and one of the best drama queens ever. I just adore her.

Nancy Grace, you are my Little Miss Sunshine. If I had a diamond(elle) tiara with the words Queen Bitch on it I'd personally crown you myself. You GO Girl.

When I go two months without a post...

...I have a lot of explaining to do.

OK, so there really is no good explanation for my absence other than being really busy and suffering from a major writers block (you should see all the drafts that I started and never finished). Honestly, the latter prevails but saying that I'm really busy makes me feel better and it's my blog so there ya have it ;-)

Actually, there have been a lot of changes in my life as as late and I'll try to do a catch up for the readers that I have left. Not surprisingly I've lost a bunch since I stopped posting regurlarly on my blog and leaving replies on theirs. Mind you I've never stopped reading all of my favorite peoples blogs I just haven't felt that I've had anything of interest to offer so I didn't say anything. I've shared all the joy, pain, frustration, and ecstasy (you know who you are) but I've done so in silence. Weird? You bet ya.

I guess I'll start with the home front. Everything is status quo. I still have the world's most wonderful partner and I love him more than ever. No, seriously I do. My doggie is still as bizarre and lovable as ever. As a matter of fact he's going through a new "issue" where he doesn't want to go outside AT ALL. And when he does, he prefers to go on a leash -- even in the fenced rear yard. This is the same dog that hates being on a leash. Go figure.

OK , so here's the good part. I'm going to go down the list in no particular order about what's been happening. Even it makes little sense I promise to upload it and you try and decipher it on your own.

* I am still involved with the "new" project from months ago. It's finally making some progress and we hope to have an office open to the public some February. Thus far it's been a whole lot of discussions and meetings so I am more than ready to get this bitch rolling.

* I am officially back in college. I've been planning on this for a few years and it was during this lull between projects that prompted me to just do it. My co-workers, broker, developer all support me in this and are willing to work around my schedule. Support: Now ain't that a sweet change compared to working with the bitch from hell for so long? Anyway, after almost 20 years I am going for the degree I wanted (and was talked out of) way back when: Psychology. Time and transferring from out of state has cost me some credits that I have to make up but in about 3 years I should be working in my field. Keep those fingers crossed. I'm loving being back in school and this time around I'm a helluva lot wiser and a whole lot more mature.

* So we've covered the status of my new project and college but there is more. I find out this week if/when I start substitute teaching. Whoa...........big change, eh? By doing this I'll gain some field experience for my future career as a therapist and put a little bit of change in my pocket. Key note: Little change. Also, my good friend CJ who owns the spray tan place has asked me to help her out one afternoon a week. Free tans and more pocket change? Well, of course. Pookie needs Botox money and he ain't dipping into his investment; vacation; or emergency accounts for that. Besides I can study and use the computer while I'm not working.

* The oldest daughter of my brother who died is getting married today and obviously I am not in attendance. I'm not boycotting or anything as dramatic as all that but I really didn't care to spend $1,500(+) on hotel, travel, and pet boarding to attend a wedding where I won't be noticed. I sent her a lovely card with a nice, fat gift card in it and wish her the very best.

* A few weeks back I found someone new to cut my hair. The guy who was cutting it moved across town and quite frankly I wasn't keen on the drive and the horrendous traffic over there so we parted ways. Anyway, this new girl is funny as hell and did a great job. I got a really short cut this time and my highlights are damn good if I do say. I will be using her from now on.

* A month or so ago I got my bi-annual Botox and this time from a different doctor -- mine couldn't fit me in for 3 months. AS IF. So the new one was good but I felt like a freaking pin cushion she used so many damn shots. (Do I really look that old!?) The day I got it done I was starting a sinus infection which ALWAYS leaves me with a 2-3 day migraine. Well guess what? One of the uses for "medicinal" Botox is to assist with migraines. And it worked. On one side of my head anyway. Usually I can't keep my eyes open when this happens but this time I could peek out of my left eye and watch TV while my right eye was iced down. Coolness. So not only does Botox keep me pretty (ha!) it prevented 1/2 a migraine AND I don't have a single wrinkle. I am SO going back to this new doctor.

* At the request of some friends T and I started attending a weekly dinner with a group of older gay couples. So now every Tuesday we go out with what I call the "old gay men's dinner club" and we are loving it. It has been such a rewarding experience. No drama, no games, just good conversation. We've made some lovely new friends and for once we are always the youngest ones in the group ;-) The other night someone referred to me as "chicken." OMG I could have shed a tear right then and there. (But with the Botox....you know.....KIDDING) Anyway, when we meet them, this coming Tuesday T and I will be celebrating our 16th year as a couple. Damn the time sure flies. It seems like yesterday that I met him and fell head over heels in love. And here we are today. I am a very blessed and lucky guy.

* OK, here's a confession. Since I quit my job I've tried to be a lot more frugal with the money that I'm bringing in. I even let our housekeeper go and have been trying (note: trying) to keep up the house on my own. Oh. My. God. Do I hate cleaning house. I used to love it. But now I 1/2 do it and it shows. My confession is that my house may look and smell clean (I dust and vacuum occasionally) but it's not clean below the surface. And the only reason it smells clean is because I'll pour bleach or Mr. Clean into the sinks, showers, and toilets to make it "smell" like I've been cleaning. I guess that tactic sanitizes to some degree but it's a bonus effect of my deception. Oh, and I'll spray Pledge on the duster thingie and the whole house will smell like I've spent hours polishing. I should be ashamed but I am not. Actually, my little hoax works pretty good so long as I keep the blinds closed and low wattage bulbs in all the lamps.

* My yard looks like shit. All of the beautiful trees I had planted have been devastated by this terrible Florida heat and they look 1/2 dead. All of my flower beds and potted plants ARE dead. I just dumped everything I could pull up or dump out into the trash bin. I am SO over trying to fight this damn heat. Next years it's silk plants in the yard for me. I just won't let anyone get close enough to see the difference.

* Well, I could update you on my current world views and bitch for hours about what a poor state this country is in and how George Bush and ilk continue to fuck up everything they touch. But most everyone is aware of that so I can pass on it for today.

I guess you could say I've ran out of things to say so I'm going to close for now. I do want to thank those who've left comments and/or emailed me to see if I was OK. Know that I will try to do a better job of updating and leaving comments while lurking about your own blogs.

May everyone have a safe and happy Labor Day weekend.