How the time flies when you're a good bitch

So Wednesday was my moms 80th birthday. To look at her you'd think she was maybe 70. She's in great shape for a woman of her tender age and a 31 year cancer survivor. Three times she fought it and 3 times she kicked its ass. She lost a breast during one of these battles but it never slowed her down or killed her spirit. Even that didn't have an effect on her. To show you the kind of person she is, when the doctor met with my dad & her prior to the masectomy he asked my dad how it would affect him by her losing a breast. He grabbed her hand look at the doctor and said " well, she's never had much up top to being with so there's really nothing to miss. Besides, all the good stuff is down below if you know what I mean", and with that said the three of them cracked up. In short she is amazing and I'm truly blessed to have her around.

To celebrate her birthday my sister and I started planning months in advance. We were planning to either go back to Atlanta and throw her a huge party or either bring down to Florida all of her friends and relatives that she'd enjoy having around. Well, smelling something cooking mother made it quite clear that she would "not be having a big party' and would be very pissed off if we threw her one. She said this three times. Knowing her as we do we took her at her word. If she'd said it once we'd have taken it as a green light. If she'd said it twice we'd have proceeded with caution. But by saying this three time we knew she would really be pissed. She can be a bitch when she wants to and as I often tell her it's one of her most enduring qualities. Seriously. There is nothing more I love in a southern woman that the ability to be a good bitch when she wants to. I often tell her that she's the best bitch I know and she loves me all the more for the compliment. In fact, she'll often rebuke an annoying (deserving) sales person or telemarketer and then recount the tale asking me if she was "too bitchy" or just "enough to make a point"? Gotta love it!

So what did we do for her birthday you ask? Well, her favorite brother & his wife and her sister "V" (oh my God the stories I could tell about this hurricane of a woman) were planning on coming down anyway so my sis and I set Plan B into motion. Long story short sis told mom she was over at the island house for the week and would celebrate later and I told mom I had to work and would go to dinner with the aunts, uncle and her that evening. (Uncle & his wife were in on it -- hurricane Aunt V was not) Well, that wasn't exactly the truth. Sis was at the island but drove over that morning and at 12:15 this white stretch limo picked she and I up at my house. Then we proceeded up the street to moms house where sis and went to the door with a dozen pink roses and told her to get her ass ready we were going to lunch. She was happy to have 2 of her kids there. My brother was in California having his last bone scan for rabid prostrate cancer that morning and then flying that afternoon to Atlanta to their new home there. So 10 minutes later we're out the door for lunch. The driver had parked the car out of sight so she didn't see it right off but when she did she was taken back. We piled into the car and for the hours drive over to the Gulf to the restaurant the aunts, Uncle, and my mom had the time of their life. We had a great lunch, everyone had a great time and yesterday mother told me over coffee that it was truly one of the best birthdays she'd ever had. Then she proceeded to tell me that if we'd thrown her a party she'd have kicked our asses and never forgiven us. Then for ten minutes I got a lecture from her on the party "we thought about having" that never was. She bitched and I loved and relished every minute of. So did she.


cola boy said...

Whata good son you are. I'd never be able to do that with my mom. I'd be pushing her out of the limo at 55 mph as we sped down I-4 to the restaurant.

Wenchy said...

Ahhhhhhhhh that is so nice. Best my kids get with the programme and throw me LOTSA fabulous parties along the way dammit.