One more time

I'm flying out at 7:00 in the morning for Atlanta. My brother passed away peacefully at home this morning. He didn't make it to the Hospice facility like he'd hoped but my sister-in-law said that she'd rather have had him die at home - around loved ones - as opposed to dying in a hospital or in an ambulance. His journey for this life is over and he begins a new one free from the worry of illness or suffering. For that I am grateful.

I knew in my heart that I'd get "the call" so I skipped the damned awards breakfast. I didn't want to go anyway so at least I avoided having to sit through 2 hours of bullshit ; fake smiles; and pretend-praise by PP #2 about people they really don't give a shit about. I am so over this person -- my once friend. Where a week ago I was hurt and betrayed by all that I has transpired all I have now is a void and sheer pity for a person who could be so calculating and rotten. My T summed it all up the other night in saying that for too many years I've covered for and stood up for PP #2 when it was never deserved. I will pray for this person to find some inner peace with themself but the friendship is gone.

A lot of crap went on last night and before the meeting even started which ended up with both of my office mates (friends) making it pretty clear that they are leaving. One, my sweet and loyal team mate for over 2 years, is definitely taking another job offer. An interesting turn is that I've been offered a position with this company as well. Here's a kicker -- I'm thinking about it. But not until I get past the funeral & grieving process. As for my other friend/co-worker she has already contacted a third company and is 75% sure she is going to quit as well.

All this said #1 PP came by and is livid at what #2 PP has caused. Not too sure where all this is going to end up. But after talking one on one with and listening to PP #1 I know that I am very valued......appreciated...and cared for in and out of the office. He has been so very kind about the whole death of my aunt and now with my brother that I feel ashamed for even doubting his sincererity towards me for a second. And I told him as much. He is a good man and I'm honored to work with him. This is the one thing that might keep me where I am career wise.

Oh well. I've vented out the work shit and now I am letting it all go for a few days. I have to mourn a loss and celebrate a life at the same time of someone who I share blood with but never really knew..... It's going to be very weird.

So I'm up at 5:00 AM and that means I need to get off the computer and get ready for an early turn in. For those of ya'll who are praying folks feel free to send some the way of my family. Especially my mom. She is going to be burying her eldest child and I'm afraid it's going to kill her as well. And if you're not into prayer then warm wishes for peace and comfort would be greatly appreciated as well. I'm going to be OK. I'm a bit numb from everything that's been happening but I'm surrounding myself with positive energy and will share as much of it as I can with anyone who needs it.

I'm not taking a lap top with me to the hotel (yes hotel -- and this a sore note with my sister -- but I decided that I wanted/needed my own space this go around) so it's unlikely I'll have online access. So until Wednesday I'm outta here.

Hugs & kisses.



Spider said...

Pookie, I am SO SORRY for your loss - you have had a hell of a couple of months my friend... please take care of yourself, and yea, I am one of them - my thoughts and prayers are with you...

MiKell said...

Thoughts of peace and comfort headed your way.

The Dangerous Man said...

It seems recently that you have had a lot of bad news. Sorry for your loss, I hope you and your T are giving each other lots of support.

Jay and Paul xx

Danger Mouse said...

Hi Pookie, Hope you and T are ok.

Sorry for your loss.

Hugs! x

Scotty said...

Sorry to hear about your loss buddy. HugZ to ya!

ella m. said...

I'm sorry for your loss pookie. The warmest of wishest that you and your family find the blance and strength to get through this difficult time intact.

doris said...

Warm wishes for peace and comfort. Another ride on another roller coaster. It must be so hard for your mum - I can't imagine that I could ever cope with burying any of my children. It just doesn't seem right.

May love, light and laughter be ever present with you dear Pookie even through the hard times.

Voices in my Head said...

found u via gran's on bran. this is my first visit here. i am sorry about your brother--what a way to introduce myself. i just wanted to say i love ur links and intend to add u to my blogroll. take care and peace to you.

Nathan said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss :(

Take care buddy *hugs*

Pookie65 said...

Many, many thanks for the kind and sincere comments. In an unusual way it's equally, if not more, comforting in some ways than those wishes face to face from distant relatives I barely recognize or know...

It was a sad time indeed but also a lot of good came from this. I was able to learn many things about my brother I never knew from speaking with and listening to his friends and from old photos we came across. I found out that he actually had a very funny and sensitive side to him that I'd never seen. He was and is loved by many people. I wish I'd had the opportunity to know him better than I did.

The time now is for healing and growing. Through these past few weeks it's become crystal clear to me how short life really is and I intend to make every day count.

Again, thank you for sharing your sentiments. It's been a great comfort to me and the positive energy helped make a rough time a little easier.


Sangroncito said...

Pookie...I'm just getting to this post...I'm so sorry. Hugs, Sangroncito