I couldn't believe how long has passed since I last posted. In short everything has been going well for the past two weeks but I've thrown myself into many projects at work and at home which have kept me quite busy.
So far things in the office are moving along at a calm pace. No interference from #2 PP has made working there enjoyable once again. So far my other two team members have decided to stay and I have made a firm commitment to #1 PP that I would stay on until the project was completed out. Being in the office has actually been a joy once again.
Since my brothers passing things on the home front have returned to normal as well. My mom and sister still have their moments when the last of the sympathy cards come in but overall they are doing great. My mom has her close friends here who keep her busy and like myself she has taken on the task of preparing our back yards for the new season.
Mom and I both decided to have trees installed in memory of those who've recently passed. From death comes new life is our motto. It's been bittersweet watching as trees & shrubs are delivered and our respective gardens fall into place.
Until yesterday my own back yard has looked like a neglected and unused park. The waist high pockets of weeds and strewn fallen limbs are now gone. The patio has been blown off and all of the roses, shrubs, trees, and remaining flower beds have been pruned & fertilized. And 40 pounds of fertilizer has been put out on the lawn. It actually is starting to look pretty good back there. I told T yesterday that I wasn't afraid to walk back there now.
On Friday we went to Lowe's and picked up 10 bags of pine bark to replenish the beds and pathways. So far we've put three out and the seven in the back of my car has it smelling like a forest. I almost hate to take them out. There is something so earthy and alive about the smell of pine bark. But I cannot drive around with this forever so this morning (when T FINALLY gets up) we are going to finish the job.
There are still so many things left to do but I've enjoyed it and the end result is worthy all of the sweat and sore muscles in the long run. Hell, just being able to walk back there makes it all worth it.
OK, so there was one glitch in my weekend project and that would be the Red-Belly Black Snake that I had a run in with yesterday. I despise snakes. The only thing snake is good for is when they are turned into a belt or pair of shoes. And I am not in the business of making either. Needless to say Mr. Snake and Mr. Shovel went to battle and Mr. Shovel won. RIP, Mr. Snake.
I have another interesting bit of news to share but first a little history. My mother, bless her heart, at 5'7 can't weigh more than 107 pounds soaking wet. Sadly I did not inherit her metabolism. During times of stress she loses her appetite and simply doesn't eat like she should. Well, this worries not just me but her doctor as well. So I've made a deal with my mother. If she will gain at least 5 pounds by my birthday in June I will stop smoking. This is going to take a lot of work on both our parts as she is going to have to force herself to eat and take supplements and I am going to have deal with giving up a nasty habit I've had for 25 years. God help us both! I really would like to quit smoking and now I have the motivation I've been looking for. Wish us both luck. We have a long 3 months ahead of us.
Well, I am going to close with letting everyone know that I'll be dropping by your blogs in the morning. I can't wait to see what everyone has been up to and naturally will have something profound to add in your comment sections.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!
3.19.2006
3.15.2006
3.11.2006
The New Living Will
I received this New Living Will from my friendly CPA. It's one of those topics that none of us wants to think about, but probably needs to look atand discuss with loved ones...soon.
I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
______a Bloody Mary
______a Margarita
______a Scotch on the rocks
______a Martini
______a Vodka and Tonic
______a Steak
______Lobster
______the remote control
______a Bowl of ice cream
______a Southern Living Magazine
______my hair product
______Chocolate
______Sex
it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
Signature: ___________________________
Date: ___________________________
3.09.2006
There's no place like home
The last few weeks has been a frenzy of emotions, turmoil, and travel. As I unpacked one of my two bags I could only stop for a second and say a quick prayer that I wouldn't be using it again any time soon. The other bag, a hanging one, can just wait. At least my toiletries are back in "their drawer" and today I can shower & start my day in my own bathroom!
I don't know how deep I feel like getting into the whole emotional aspect of everything but I am going to touch on a couple of things that I walk away from this whole experience feeling good about: my nieces and my nephew. What wonderful adults they've grown in to over the years!
My nephew, N, is going on the 9th or 10th anniversary of his 25th birthday :-) and has grown into a wise, funny, and compassionate, handsome young man. It's been at least a year since I've seen him and 4-5 years since I've had the opportunity to spend any quality time with him and his partner, T2 (we each have our own wonderful T's), of 6 years. And, yes, he is also gay so I guess there is something to that genetics theory after all.
My oldest niece, A1, is getting married in September to a wonderful guy, G, who is as cute as he is sweet. A1 has grown into a hilarious & beautiful young woman with fire in her eyes and wit forever at the tip of her tongue. I look forward to her wedding day and seeing this little vixen walking down the isle to her soul mate.
The youngest niece, A2 (they both have names beginning with A), is in her own right a brilliant and sweet girl/woman. Did I mention she is also gorgeous? Not in the "I spend 3 hours getting ready in the morning gorgeous" but naturally. I hope that when the time is right that she finds a life partner who is as well suited for her as her brother and sister has.
It was good for me to have the time alone in the hotel every evening and most of the day on Monday. I had the time to reflect on the losses of family members and the renewed relationships with my brother's family. I also took one afternoon and went shopping, to a movie, and out to a very good dinner. And I read two books. Now, my T doesn't do well being alone. Even if for a day he is in the house alone he gets anxious and lonely. Granted I don't even have to be in the same room with him to ease these feelings but just being in the same house is enough for him. But I actually like/need some time to myself sometimes. Solitude can be a good thing occasionally.
Anyway, I'm finishing this post back in the office. I started it this morning and then looked at the clock which proclaimed that it was time for me to get my ass ready for work and had to save it for later.
And this brings me to work. I'm happy to report that #1 CW is staying! She told me on Monday that she was going to quit and when I talked to her on Tuesday she'd done a lot of soul searching and decided that #2 PP was not going to run her off. A big YOU GO GIRL to her. At this point none of us involved with this project are allowing #2 PP to have any influence over us again. That bitch has ran her last course of interfering with our lives. #1 PP apparently let her ass have it and in summary told her that his team would not be broken by her or anyone else. She was told to back off and have little or no contact with us. To follow up with this I am going to call the bitch and tell her that I am done with her on a personal and professional level. She has lost all respect I ever had for her and that I don't want her to so much as utter my name. She has lost that right.
Furthermore, if I so much as hear she has said one negative thing about me or anyone involved with this project (and trust me if she does I will hear it) then I will do everything in my power to see that #1 PP pulls this and all future projects from here. Add to this I will never ever defend her personally or professionally again. She is dead to me and this is a good thing. I don't need the theatrics or drama from a delusional egomaniac interfering in my life.
I have Bold & The Beautiful for that if I want a soap opera! And Susan Flannery is far more glamourous a bitch than #2 PP. Trust me.
Well dears, I am going to close with my thanks and appreciation for the kind comments, emails, and prayers during this time. It really means more than you know.
For my next post I will be sharing my recount of "Star: US Airways Super Stewardess" -- OH MY GOD.
Hugs & kisses!
I don't know how deep I feel like getting into the whole emotional aspect of everything but I am going to touch on a couple of things that I walk away from this whole experience feeling good about: my nieces and my nephew. What wonderful adults they've grown in to over the years!
My nephew, N, is going on the 9th or 10th anniversary of his 25th birthday :-) and has grown into a wise, funny, and compassionate, handsome young man. It's been at least a year since I've seen him and 4-5 years since I've had the opportunity to spend any quality time with him and his partner, T2 (we each have our own wonderful T's), of 6 years. And, yes, he is also gay so I guess there is something to that genetics theory after all.
My oldest niece, A1, is getting married in September to a wonderful guy, G, who is as cute as he is sweet. A1 has grown into a hilarious & beautiful young woman with fire in her eyes and wit forever at the tip of her tongue. I look forward to her wedding day and seeing this little vixen walking down the isle to her soul mate.
The youngest niece, A2 (they both have names beginning with A), is in her own right a brilliant and sweet girl/woman. Did I mention she is also gorgeous? Not in the "I spend 3 hours getting ready in the morning gorgeous" but naturally. I hope that when the time is right that she finds a life partner who is as well suited for her as her brother and sister has.
It was good for me to have the time alone in the hotel every evening and most of the day on Monday. I had the time to reflect on the losses of family members and the renewed relationships with my brother's family. I also took one afternoon and went shopping, to a movie, and out to a very good dinner. And I read two books. Now, my T doesn't do well being alone. Even if for a day he is in the house alone he gets anxious and lonely. Granted I don't even have to be in the same room with him to ease these feelings but just being in the same house is enough for him. But I actually like/need some time to myself sometimes. Solitude can be a good thing occasionally.
Anyway, I'm finishing this post back in the office. I started it this morning and then looked at the clock which proclaimed that it was time for me to get my ass ready for work and had to save it for later.
And this brings me to work. I'm happy to report that #1 CW is staying! She told me on Monday that she was going to quit and when I talked to her on Tuesday she'd done a lot of soul searching and decided that #2 PP was not going to run her off. A big YOU GO GIRL to her. At this point none of us involved with this project are allowing #2 PP to have any influence over us again. That bitch has ran her last course of interfering with our lives. #1 PP apparently let her ass have it and in summary told her that his team would not be broken by her or anyone else. She was told to back off and have little or no contact with us. To follow up with this I am going to call the bitch and tell her that I am done with her on a personal and professional level. She has lost all respect I ever had for her and that I don't want her to so much as utter my name. She has lost that right.
Furthermore, if I so much as hear she has said one negative thing about me or anyone involved with this project (and trust me if she does I will hear it) then I will do everything in my power to see that #1 PP pulls this and all future projects from here. Add to this I will never ever defend her personally or professionally again. She is dead to me and this is a good thing. I don't need the theatrics or drama from a delusional egomaniac interfering in my life.
I have Bold & The Beautiful for that if I want a soap opera! And Susan Flannery is far more glamourous a bitch than #2 PP. Trust me.Well dears, I am going to close with my thanks and appreciation for the kind comments, emails, and prayers during this time. It really means more than you know.
For my next post I will be sharing my recount of "Star: US Airways Super Stewardess" -- OH MY GOD.
Hugs & kisses!
3.03.2006
One more time
I'm flying out at 7:00 in the morning for Atlanta. My brother passed away peacefully at home this morning. He didn't make it to the Hospice facility like he'd hoped but my sister-in-law said that she'd rather have had him die at home - around loved ones - as opposed to dying in a hospital or in an ambulance. His journey for this life is over and he begins a new one free from the worry of illness or suffering. For that I am grateful.
I knew in my heart that I'd get "the call" so I skipped the damned awards breakfast. I didn't want to go anyway so at least I avoided having to sit through 2 hours of bullshit ; fake smiles; and pretend-praise by PP #2 about people they really don't give a shit about. I am so over this person -- my once friend. Where a week ago I was hurt and betrayed by all that I has transpired all I have now is a void and sheer pity for a person who could be so calculating and rotten. My T summed it all up the other night in saying that for too many years I've covered for and stood up for PP #2 when it was never deserved. I will pray for this person to find some inner peace with themself but the friendship is gone.
A lot of crap went on last night and before the meeting even started which ended up with both of my office mates (friends) making it pretty clear that they are leaving. One, my sweet and loyal team mate for over 2 years, is definitely taking another job offer. An interesting turn is that I've been offered a position with this company as well. Here's a kicker -- I'm thinking about it. But not until I get past the funeral & grieving process. As for my other friend/co-worker she has already contacted a third company and is 75% sure she is going to quit as well.
All this said #1 PP came by and is livid at what #2 PP has caused. Not too sure where all this is going to end up. But after talking one on one with and listening to PP #1 I know that I am very valued......appreciated...and cared for in and out of the office. He has been so very kind about the whole death of my aunt and now with my brother that I feel ashamed for even doubting his sincererity towards me for a second. And I told him as much. He is a good man and I'm honored to work with him. This is the one thing that might keep me where I am career wise.
Oh well. I've vented out the work shit and now I am letting it all go for a few days. I have to mourn a loss and celebrate a life at the same time of someone who I share blood with but never really knew..... It's going to be very weird.
So I'm up at 5:00 AM and that means I need to get off the computer and get ready for an early turn in. For those of ya'll who are praying folks feel free to send some the way of my family. Especially my mom. She is going to be burying her eldest child and I'm afraid it's going to kill her as well. And if you're not into prayer then warm wishes for peace and comfort would be greatly appreciated as well. I'm going to be OK. I'm a bit numb from everything that's been happening but I'm surrounding myself with positive energy and will share as much of it as I can with anyone who needs it.
I'm not taking a lap top with me to the hotel (yes hotel -- and this a sore note with my sister -- but I decided that I wanted/needed my own space this go around) so it's unlikely I'll have online access. So until Wednesday I'm outta here.
Hugs & kisses.
Pookie
I knew in my heart that I'd get "the call" so I skipped the damned awards breakfast. I didn't want to go anyway so at least I avoided having to sit through 2 hours of bullshit ; fake smiles; and pretend-praise by PP #2 about people they really don't give a shit about. I am so over this person -- my once friend. Where a week ago I was hurt and betrayed by all that I has transpired all I have now is a void and sheer pity for a person who could be so calculating and rotten. My T summed it all up the other night in saying that for too many years I've covered for and stood up for PP #2 when it was never deserved. I will pray for this person to find some inner peace with themself but the friendship is gone.
A lot of crap went on last night and before the meeting even started which ended up with both of my office mates (friends) making it pretty clear that they are leaving. One, my sweet and loyal team mate for over 2 years, is definitely taking another job offer. An interesting turn is that I've been offered a position with this company as well. Here's a kicker -- I'm thinking about it. But not until I get past the funeral & grieving process. As for my other friend/co-worker she has already contacted a third company and is 75% sure she is going to quit as well.
All this said #1 PP came by and is livid at what #2 PP has caused. Not too sure where all this is going to end up. But after talking one on one with and listening to PP #1 I know that I am very valued......appreciated...and cared for in and out of the office. He has been so very kind about the whole death of my aunt and now with my brother that I feel ashamed for even doubting his sincererity towards me for a second. And I told him as much. He is a good man and I'm honored to work with him. This is the one thing that might keep me where I am career wise.
Oh well. I've vented out the work shit and now I am letting it all go for a few days. I have to mourn a loss and celebrate a life at the same time of someone who I share blood with but never really knew..... It's going to be very weird.
So I'm up at 5:00 AM and that means I need to get off the computer and get ready for an early turn in. For those of ya'll who are praying folks feel free to send some the way of my family. Especially my mom. She is going to be burying her eldest child and I'm afraid it's going to kill her as well. And if you're not into prayer then warm wishes for peace and comfort would be greatly appreciated as well. I'm going to be OK. I'm a bit numb from everything that's been happening but I'm surrounding myself with positive energy and will share as much of it as I can with anyone who needs it.
I'm not taking a lap top with me to the hotel (yes hotel -- and this a sore note with my sister -- but I decided that I wanted/needed my own space this go around) so it's unlikely I'll have online access. So until Wednesday I'm outta here.
Hugs & kisses.
Pookie
3.01.2006
Hospice opens their doors
4:30 Afternoon Update:
It has been a totally wild day. My sister-in-law told the Hospice people that my brother struggled to get to the bathroom this morning and they promptly denied him a bed in their facility. Because? Well, because he was able to get out of the bed -- even with the help of his wife and grown son. He must be completely immobile for them admit him. Red tape just sucks. Now everyone is worrying he'll pass away at home in his sleep which is what he absolutely doesn't want to happen.
Guess who called me today? #2 PP. It was a very brief and very to the point conversation totally work related and it was all I could do to keep from laughing knowing that retribution was in route. At least I had this to smile about if only to myself. So the nature of this call was to let us (the office) know that we are expected to buy a $100 gift certificate for a door prize for an awards ceremony that WE are all receiving awards at. OK -- so we are the recipients of our own donated gifts? Well, how fucking cheap is that? The unadulterated nerve.
All Hell broke loose about 3o minutes before I left the office. A superintendent cussed out an appraiser who promptly cursed him out and then came in and blessed out our office. Well not everyone -- she likes me for some reason. She was very nice to me. I guess her gaydar went off and she knew I would say something witty and tell her how fabulous her Chanel sunglasses looked on her (which I did). I admire her for sticking to her guns and not allowing a man to boss her around. I like her so much I asked for her business cards and plan to give them to select people in my company that do only top dollar sales. She will get herself some good business leads and keep herself in Chanel glasses for years to come I hope.
The worst of my day was finding out that my sweet aunt who just passed away did not indeed die from a heart attack -- she bled to death in her kitchen. I don't know the exact circumstances but it was mistakenly told to me by another relative that she accidentally took a nasty arterial cut and due to her blood thinners literally bled to death in a matter of minutes. This just makes me sick. On the one hand I am still relieved that she died quickly and at home. She never was admitted to a nursing home or long term care which was her worse fear. On the other hand I am sick to the heart that this precious lady bled to death. Apparently no one but the family medical community (where is how I heard this) and her immediate family knows this. It's not my place to tell anyone -- honoring what I assume is their wishes -- but now I have this horrid image in my mind and can't share it with anyone.
If my T really, really loves me he'll take me out to dinner tonight or order in. The maid came today (who I'm insanely wild about) and I cannot bare to see the kitchen messed up. Everything shines..Is in it's place...and I don't want to ruin the moment.
Now for the good news -- OK -- a diversion from all my drama actually -- Hairdom's cry baby extraordinaire, Jonathan Antin, is coming back for a 3rd season. Oh. My. God. When we last saw Jonathan he announced that he'd fathered a child with his live-in girlfriend of the moment. Yes, Jonathan is all heterosexual/metrosexual manly man. I'm guessing that season 3 will be all about designer diapers & crying contests between he and the new addition to his Hollywood home. I cannot wait. As much as I bitch about Jonathan Antin I never miss a Blowout episode. It's like watching a car wreck. Better yet a really bad hair wreck. It starts on Wednesday, March 15th on Bravo. Do a search within my blog for all my past Jonathan rants.
It has been a totally wild day. My sister-in-law told the Hospice people that my brother struggled to get to the bathroom this morning and they promptly denied him a bed in their facility. Because? Well, because he was able to get out of the bed -- even with the help of his wife and grown son. He must be completely immobile for them admit him. Red tape just sucks. Now everyone is worrying he'll pass away at home in his sleep which is what he absolutely doesn't want to happen.
Guess who called me today? #2 PP. It was a very brief and very to the point conversation totally work related and it was all I could do to keep from laughing knowing that retribution was in route. At least I had this to smile about if only to myself. So the nature of this call was to let us (the office) know that we are expected to buy a $100 gift certificate for a door prize for an awards ceremony that WE are all receiving awards at. OK -- so we are the recipients of our own donated gifts? Well, how fucking cheap is that? The unadulterated nerve.
All Hell broke loose about 3o minutes before I left the office. A superintendent cussed out an appraiser who promptly cursed him out and then came in and blessed out our office. Well not everyone -- she likes me for some reason. She was very nice to me. I guess her gaydar went off and she knew I would say something witty and tell her how fabulous her Chanel sunglasses looked on her (which I did). I admire her for sticking to her guns and not allowing a man to boss her around. I like her so much I asked for her business cards and plan to give them to select people in my company that do only top dollar sales. She will get herself some good business leads and keep herself in Chanel glasses for years to come I hope.
The worst of my day was finding out that my sweet aunt who just passed away did not indeed die from a heart attack -- she bled to death in her kitchen. I don't know the exact circumstances but it was mistakenly told to me by another relative that she accidentally took a nasty arterial cut and due to her blood thinners literally bled to death in a matter of minutes. This just makes me sick. On the one hand I am still relieved that she died quickly and at home. She never was admitted to a nursing home or long term care which was her worse fear. On the other hand I am sick to the heart that this precious lady bled to death. Apparently no one but the family medical community (where is how I heard this) and her immediate family knows this. It's not my place to tell anyone -- honoring what I assume is their wishes -- but now I have this horrid image in my mind and can't share it with anyone.
If my T really, really loves me he'll take me out to dinner tonight or order in. The maid came today (who I'm insanely wild about) and I cannot bare to see the kitchen messed up. Everything shines..Is in it's place...and I don't want to ruin the moment.
Now for the good news -- OK -- a diversion from all my drama actually -- Hairdom's cry baby extraordinaire, Jonathan Antin, is coming back for a 3rd season. Oh. My. God. When we last saw Jonathan he announced that he'd fathered a child with his live-in girlfriend of the moment. Yes, Jonathan is all heterosexual/metrosexual manly man. I'm guessing that season 3 will be all about designer diapers & crying contests between he and the new addition to his Hollywood home. I cannot wait. As much as I bitch about Jonathan Antin I never miss a Blowout episode. It's like watching a car wreck. Better yet a really bad hair wreck. It starts on Wednesday, March 15th on Bravo. Do a search within my blog for all my past Jonathan rants.***********************************************************************************
So last night I took my mom out to our favorite Mexican place and on the way back my sister calls. For the past 2 days my brother has slept at least 15 hours of the day and taken in nothing but a sip of water. His in-home nurse has told his wife that the time has come. He's not speaking now but will still nod or so I'm told. The nurse started the paperwork to get him into a Hospice unit in a near by hospital. He told his wife on Saturday that he didn't want to die at home and that a hospital bed at home was not going to happen. So this morning or later today they are moving him out of his house. This is his last journey and I hope it's a peaceful one.
The hardest part of this has been watching my sister and mom fall apart. My sister more so than my mom which is strange. My mother is a tiny little woman with a steel attitude for facing obstacles. She has her moments where she falls apart but I'm able to talk her through them and keep her going. My sister on the other hand is taking all of this extremely hard and I'm not sure if I'm any help to her during this or not. She said yesterday that she just wants it to be over. I agree. I believe the dying process is far worse than the actual death for the living survivors.
I can't thank everyone who has left comments and emailed kind remarks. I truly mean it when I say that if I could jump through the screen and hug your necks that I would. You are the best.
Side note: Your Pookie has taken a bit of revenge on #2 PP. Nothing too evil or malicious rather something entirely legal and ethical from a professional stand point. I can't elaborate yet but let's just say that I've planted a very large seed in a small pot. When the seed grows, and it will definitely grow, someone is going to account for their own actions whether they like it or not. Only two people in the world know exactly what I'm talking about and one of them called me last night and told me that I was their hero. Awwwwwww shucks. I feel all warm, fuzzy, and vindicated now. Truth be known I feel alot like Norma Rae at this moment. More on this later.
So last night I took my mom out to our favorite Mexican place and on the way back my sister calls. For the past 2 days my brother has slept at least 15 hours of the day and taken in nothing but a sip of water. His in-home nurse has told his wife that the time has come. He's not speaking now but will still nod or so I'm told. The nurse started the paperwork to get him into a Hospice unit in a near by hospital. He told his wife on Saturday that he didn't want to die at home and that a hospital bed at home was not going to happen. So this morning or later today they are moving him out of his house. This is his last journey and I hope it's a peaceful one.
The hardest part of this has been watching my sister and mom fall apart. My sister more so than my mom which is strange. My mother is a tiny little woman with a steel attitude for facing obstacles. She has her moments where she falls apart but I'm able to talk her through them and keep her going. My sister on the other hand is taking all of this extremely hard and I'm not sure if I'm any help to her during this or not. She said yesterday that she just wants it to be over. I agree. I believe the dying process is far worse than the actual death for the living survivors.
I can't thank everyone who has left comments and emailed kind remarks. I truly mean it when I say that if I could jump through the screen and hug your necks that I would. You are the best.
Side note: Your Pookie has taken a bit of revenge on #2 PP. Nothing too evil or malicious rather something entirely legal and ethical from a professional stand point. I can't elaborate yet but let's just say that I've planted a very large seed in a small pot. When the seed grows, and it will definitely grow, someone is going to account for their own actions whether they like it or not. Only two people in the world know exactly what I'm talking about and one of them called me last night and told me that I was their hero. Awwwwwww shucks. I feel all warm, fuzzy, and vindicated now. Truth be known I feel alot like Norma Rae at this moment. More on this later.
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